Tuesday, July 25, 2006

i'm screwed man...

I have a problem. she’s pregnant. although she did not went through the normal p-test, she told me that it’s positive by way of what she feels. im screwed man. Im screwed. I dunno what to do. I would normally act like I am happy for her pregnancy but in truth I am having a problem and dunno really what should be done. I don’t fear for my life at all if ever major will know because eventually he will discover it. What I fear is that I would lose the freedom and a whole lot more. What’s bothering me more is that I have no money to finance what’s ahead. I could cry…

Confused, puzzled, perplexed, bewildered. Name them and they all explain how I feel right now. I could drown myself in the angry waves of manila bay across the road man. I wish Im home. I wish I could talk to somebody. I wish people will understand me. So many wishes and yet I could not contain what’s inside me right now. I could cry…

there was a three day hibernation between me and her. We only talked today after the storm that hit the metropolis which left me stranded in shy’s house for 3 days also. It was intentional to leave my sun phone at home so that we could not talk. For three straight days, we had no communication at all. For three straight days I was drowning in beer. As if there’s no tomorrow. This morning when we talked about it, it really did sink in. im gonna be a father. and im not prepared. I could cry…

well, I almost did. Yesterday, I was nearly drunk when I opened up to bvhoy that she’s pregnant. I got a dense answer though. I was hurt. Really hurt. It probably showed a little to him but man I could not contain myself I almost cried my tears could have fallen if I did not change the topic right away. I stopped talking about us after that. I know I was too selfish to talk about my relationship and so I said that from now on only mommy geline will know and no one else. i could cry…

god knows my love for her would reach the 7th heaven. No question on that. I knew in my entire being that there’s nobody like her. But the thought of having to marry and settling down bothers me most. I am incapacitated. I am what they call half meant. I am ill prepared. I am so much of everything yet I am nothing. I could cry…

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