Wednesday, October 25, 2006

back to the real world…

after four longs days of vacation and trying to internalize what is happening with my life, I am back in the office. to my surprise, there is a mail in my inbox from mabel. Below is the pasted version.

Re: i know i really love you
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<> mabel agullana
ViewTuesday, October 24, 2006 5:20:40 PM

ga,

kamusta kna? alam ko nasaktan kita mg husto pero di mo ata ako naintindihan dun sa mga sinabi ko...pero nagpapasalamat ako syo ksi you let me reallized kung ano dapat ang gagawin ko sa buhay...ga for how many days na tinatry kung makontak ka tapos di ko magawa even calling sa landline i've tried pero wala din ring lang ring...sbi mo palagi ko alalahanin ang 1 corinthians kso habang inaalala ko tumutulo ang luha ko...ga sana my puwang pa din ako sa puso mo ksi feeling ko nawala kna sa akin...ga alam mo di ako makatulog kasi ikaw lang laman ng isip ko now i reallized na mahal nga talaga kita...

ga i will asked you this for the last time kung ok pa syo...could you process the marriage this time? ksi alam ko ang dami ko ng mali na ginawa pero sa ngayon ayaw ko madamay ang anak ntin ga...ayaw ko magiging kawawa sia..ako lang ang nagkamali kaya aayosin ko na ang lahat lahat...pero di ko alam ngayon ang nasa puso mo ga...kung sakaling galit kna sa akin tanggapin ko ng maluwag sa puso ko...pero sana kmi pa din ni baby ang andyan...i missed you ga...;-(

i know my duda ka sa sinasabi ko syo...di ba sinabi ko syo na darating ako ng biglaan syo...eto na nakapagdecide na ako...ga bahala kana sa future natin nina baby.

love,
ga


so, what do I have in mind right now? The big question is whether I will tie the knot or not. In my four days of internalization, I have come to realize that I have partially drifted away from her. I thought about events and happenings which eventually led to the disastrous Friday last week. There are missing pieces and gaps but slowly, God has taught me to accept what my fate is. I could say I came out strong enough after day three and was able to be rational and think of practical ways. For one, I did not ran away from the metropolis. I did not commit suicide just like what I thought. I did not drown myself in beer except last Friday due to insistence of bvhoy so we could meet up. I had only four bottles though. The succeeding days, I was lost in my thoughts but I did not go over board. I am glad to say that the least I did was to walk and walk and just walk I ended up in sta. Ana race track in the morning of Tuesday. Dueing those times also, I watched a lot of HBO and Star movies ( I admit I cried to some of the scenes) but that was it. I also watched a movie by myself entitled “the guardian” which stars Kevin costner and ashton kutcher (it was a good movie though. I was transformed to another world even for two hours). Best of all, I went shopping. I bought two pieces of folded and hung pants and six pieces of human polo shirt. I also bought a ring for myself to replace the old one. There is not much significance in buying the ring. I just felt that it was high time to get another one and move on with my life. I got a silver one by the way and a lil bit okay than the previous one. Also, I was able to get my student permit license from LTO. Now, a lot happened to me after such a break up isn’t it? How many break ups should I have in order to fill my entire wardrobe. Surely break up is such an expensive vice. But it felt good afterwards. I admit I am not completely healed but time will do. During my conversation with bvhoy and shy, I told them to just give me one month and I’ll be able to fix myself and be back to my normal self again.

And so I have to go and answer the mail.

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