Friday, December 15, 2006

is i t a bad day???

The day is almost over. The sun will set in no time at all. The horizon of manila bay will be flooded by its amazing colors again. The still waters lay witness on its grandiose and flamboyant insignia. The lover’s lane on the baywalk would be basking in the full romantic glory of its colorful rays. Lush orange combines with grayish and red color it exudes over the whole area. While city lights begin to flicker signaling for the manila sky night creeping in, the sky would absorb the remaining traces of its light until such time that darkness will completely envelope the land. Along with the setting of the sun, my whole being will set with it also…and so it’s a relief to pause and listen to the song I’ve been listening into for the past weeks and make some reflections out of it.

daniel powter sings…

“Where is the moment when you need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Tell me your blue sky's fade to grey
Tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on”

While trying to gather the broken pieces of lost hopes and doomed aspirations to complete the long overdue puzzle, I came across a song that have become my staple every morning when I open my pc. It never fails. Even all through out the day, I would stop for a while and listen to the song. I am not downplaying the possibility that perhaps I could relate to the song, I am also trying to postulate that somehow it reflects on my day-to-day battle with life’s uncertainties. There are moments that we need someone the most. Trying times. Gloomy days. Fucked up moments. Screwed periods. Count triumphs too (but very rarely). Whatever moments, we need someone to share it with. To sympathize or empathize however you look at it. On the other hand, during these moments, we also need to recognize that it all depends on us. The classic me always end up lost and jaded and most of the time drunk and dreary. I haven’t resorted yet to kicking up the leaves but surely the magic is lost. There’s no trace of happiness on my eyes and I have become withdrawn. Perfect example is how I feel right now. For one, the blue sky has turned to gray. Then comes the rain after which. The rain brings spine tingling sensation to soak in one’s anonymity. Just like onset of dusk, I always associate rain with my feelings being drained into obscurity. My sunset hunting days I think has been completely turned upside down. I used to love its sight and the melancholic healing it brings. Yesterday, when I passed by manila bay, the sun was beginning to set. It has lost its allure and the beauty I once appreciated. Is the passion really gone away?

“You're standin' in line just to hit a new low
You're fakin' a smile with the coffee to go
Tell me your life's been way off line
You're fallin' to pieces every timeAnd I don't need no carryin' on”

Cloaked in a happy disposition and cheesy outlook to exude the unperturbed fa├žade, a fake smile is what I have perfected lately. The question whether I am good at it remains to be seen. Although I doubt it because a lot of people still see the sad look on my face. Hands down, I feel that my life has been off line. It’s like I am never complete not until bel is all mine. Day by day, it tears me apart to realize that she is still not with me. I have been entertaining a lot of stupid thoughts and I cant help but be eaten raw by my insane illusion.

“'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie
You work on a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day, the camera don't lie
You're comin' back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day... you had a bad day”

And so everyday is a bad day. Just like the song goes, I do have a bad day and I’m taking one down. Yeah, I sing the song with so much candor and gusto to the point that it seeps into my system all the more. Alternately, there’s another song that I like to hear and goes with this song also by James Blunt entitled “Tears and Rain”. It has basically the same theme and meaning and somehow I could relate into it also.

“Sometimes the system goes on the blink
and the whole thing it turns out wrong.
You might not make it back
And you know that you could be well all that strong
And I'm not wrong...”

Until when I’d be like this? I dunno. I have to accept the fact that sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing turns out wrong. Well, if I have to assess myself whether I am strong in all of this, I think I am. To go through such thing has been an ordeal but a lot of realizations have sunk in also. For now maybe I can’t see the positive side of it but I am sure after the bad day is a good one.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

it's december...

after sleeping for almost 14 hours after a very tiring trip in subic, i woke up hungry and drained. for one, i havent eaten rice for almost two days because our caterer was an italian restaurant. so there was risotto and pasta and other bland italian cuisine during my entire stay in subic. the hotel was great. my room was situated overlooking the pool of the hotel which was great. although i didnt get to enjoy the scenery and the place, it was still a trip that somehow brought in a lot of realizations for me. the bull session was exhilirating it ended almost after 2 in the morning. nevertheless, it was worth it.

back to what i was talking when i woke up (i drifted right away to some other things), i walked in the busy streets of estrada to look for food. the air that greeted me when i went down was cold and has the distinct christmas feeling. little did i know that Typhoon Reming was unleashing its wrath in some parts of the country. Which explains why the air was cold and damp. Ahh...the great Christmas feeling. I found a nook that sold some home made dishes and i devoured veggies since i missed them for quite some time now.

the subic trip was supposedly rest and leisure in the guise of a planning workshop cum bull session. as it turned out, it was all planning workshop to the core and bull session to the fullest. the initial plan of having to have a night out, casino and nature trek did not materialize at all. what materialized was the short trip to royal subic duty free. i got px goods for a reasonable price mostly toiletress and some chocolates too for bel and bvhoy and shy.

last night, i went to malolos, bulacan with arnie. we were to join mae's elementary friends for their reunion. we went there past 8 already but the van we took was way too faster than i expected. in no time at all, we were at Paradise Resort with mae's friends. i was a little bit apprehensive to join since there were a lot of them who had started drinking already by the time we got there. after the awkward introduction, arnie and i blended well with the group. well not after 3 to 4 shots of hard drink. after which, it was a breeze knowing them and mingling with them. it was easy to get along well with them after. then we went swimming. it was a long night of drinks, swimming and conversations. we went home at 5 in the morning which explains why i slept the whole afternoon. during the morning, mae and arnie had an extended stay here since we hit the microphones for the karaoke singing.

til here. the letter i is not functioning well and i hate to hit the keyboards.