Monday, February 05, 2007

of mediocrity and excellente...

the monday morning program today impressed in me a lot of things. aside from the routinary pledges, this morning was different as the DG made a short presentation. it's a reflection on life as a whole. of thanking the Lord for life's extremes. i was able to relate as the sermon yesterday in the church was still afresh in my memory. somehow, both messages connect with each other.

while there are times that i pause for a while to think of what has been happening to me and those that surrounds me, i was never wary of whether i made a good impression on them. sometimes, i do think that what i have shown is not at all worth emulating. well, with the hedonistic lifestyle that i have led i will never wonder really if no one would take a second look and analyze what i am doing. is it really possible that people around you will think highly of what you do and you become an inspiration to them? for some leaders i guess who are being looked up into, it is a given fact. but for a person like me who has nothing really much to offer ecxept my not so brilliant thoughts i guess it would just go to the drains.

on the other hand, i thought that it's not about how i made an impression on some other people but of what has become of me of what i do. a real self close examination lately keeps on bugging me. perhaps it explains why for the past two days, simple things has such a great effect on me. case in point yesterday where i was in tears during the sermon. this morning also, when the DG was reciting the reflections, i was nearly in tears again. what is happening to me? have i come to the point that i would finally surrender all i have got to give?

a lot of questions would cross my mind. have i become a good son? a good neighbor? a good boyfried (err, husband), good citizen? things like these make me stop and think of my next steps. i have figured long enough that i would try to be good. i mean inside out. good in the sense that i will be happy with all the things that i will be doing in the same way that other people are happy also. in short, not stepping on others toes.

i have resolved also that i'll be a better employee this year and onwards. not that i did not perform well last year but i want to exceed my capacity this year and hopefully be able to say to myself that indeed i am worth the the government is paying for.

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