Friday, February 16, 2007

PAIN...

It’s valentine’s week. Yet, I feel like it’s holy week. A while ago, while we were chatting, she finally unleashed the dreadest thing I don’t want to hear my whole damn life. It was spilled like some sort of a piece of candy you give little children. Just like that. Not much hullabaloo and all. She told me that there would be no problem if she and my baby would eventually settle with ed. I was hurt. I still am. In fact I am still trembling right now. It was like the final nail was finally laid to its last vacant space. I am really hurt. My initial reaction was silence. I can’t contain what I feel honestly because as if there was a wave that swept my whole head and my whole being. The feeling that you’re somehow in heat and yet something inside is cold. I could not carry my head that I almost banged it on the wall beside me. up until this time, my nerves hasn’t gone back to normal yet. It’s like as if the blood within are just like raging hormones you feel during orgasm. Only, this time there is no momentary high. There is only pain in the real sense of the word. PAIN…

I don’t want to cry anymore. My tears have been drained for almost a year now. My nights have been tearful and all. My Sunday service in the church have been decorated with a lot of emotions and pain and everything that is associated with loneliness. God knows how I feel.

I guess I will cry. I don’t know really. For now, I am on the brink of it but I am holding it up. No way it would fall down my face. I will be brave this time. This will pass uneventful for me. tonight I will just go home just like any other night, watch tv and drift off to wonderland.

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