Wednesday, March 07, 2007

post partum blues...

looking at my baby for the first time was a different high. the kind of highs i've felt before has been surpassed by the bundle of joy wrapped in a pink clothe with a striped bonnet. moreso after holding her and hugging her all through out the night since she keeps on crying. i could not help but be emotional.

ava came into this world last sunday (march 4, 2007). i was informed the day after when i was in the office. i unconsciously opened my ym account (i don't open it for two weeks i guess) and i got an offline message from rhea (the dancer classmate) that i am already a dad. and so that afternoon after office, i gathered all my wits, courage, sweat, blood, tears and everything (of course, i had to bel if it is safe to come over and if ed is not there). things and vicinities cleared, i went there after dropping in mercury to get some last minute baby wipes and alcohol for ava's umbilical cord.

supposedly, avy will keep watch but i insisted so that i could be with ava even for the whole night (there is only one watcher allowed in the hospital). and so for the first time, i had to make milk for her, cuddle her, touch her on the cheek (looks like chloe though a little bit darker), and kiss her. i inspected her arms if its complete, her feet if nothing's missing and everything in her. i took pictures of us together while she was sleeping and basked on the cuteness of my baby. complete.

i was in awe looking at the little thing which came from me. i feel different and i feel like shouting to the whole world that i am a proud daddy now. but not just yet. little did i know that it was a fleeting happines.

the happiness was short lived. the day after i had to go early morning for office. i left her and the baby at 6 and kissed them goodbye not knowing what is in store for the three of us now that we are a family. i still remember the thing she said to me during our last conversation that she will live with ed after the baby comes out. that was the time when i walked out of the conversation because i could not bear the thought that she and the baby will not live with me. when i left, she just told me that we will split the bill in the hospital.

Monday, March 05, 2007

on being a father...

i became a father yesterday morning at 7 am.