Tuesday, April 24, 2007

palawan getaway...

yes, 'twas a one helluva week of palawan adventures. dos palmas, seƱorita sandbar, snake island and the rest of honda bay beckoned like sparkling gems.

the stalker...

admittedly, I am bothered by the text messages. Well, not so bothered unlike the first weeks of the threats. I always have the perennial dubduh in my chest every time my phone buzzes to signal that a message was received. Whew…I wish that I would get over the feeling. I tried ignoring it a lot of times but it wont work at all. I tried changing my sim card too but I jst cant stop changing sim cards practically every week. and so I have to settle to my old sim which he text frequently.

I tried replying once thinking that ed would finally stop bothering me but it did not work. It became worst I should say. And so I did not reply anymore. Once is enough for a stupid and angered beast they say. Im afraid too that if I reply in one of his messages I might cross the line where I am supposed to just stand watch.

While it bothers me more that he had been texting my mother too, it hurts me all the more that I feel hatred for my mom for entering into the picture which supposedly should not be the case since ever since this entire hullaballo came I’ve warned her over and over again not to interfere at all. And so it happens that ed was able to determine that it was my mom and so he keeps on texting god knows what. If the text messages he sent to me brings in shivers, what more with my mother who knows nothing about the mess I am in. good thing she gave in that she has to change sim.

My bp is probably above the threshold right now. I am mad at everybody else. Mad with myself and what is happening to me.

I wish I could go somewhere else again far away from this place and far away from the thought that has been bugging me all this while. Just like the new song of gwen stefani “sweet escape”, I would probably go far far away and swim in a beach. If only I could.

My trip to palawan is getting nearer. That would be on Monday and im half into it and half not into it at all. For no particular reason I am not excited unlike previous trips in new places before. Probably because of how I am feeling right now. I just wish that I will enjoy the time with engineering people in there and hope to come out a better person out of the week long trip with new faces to deal with.

Last night I thought I would never see the ray of sunlight again. I had cramps attack twice and I felt like it was the end of the world. It was so painful I almost lost my breath during the second cramp. Whew…up until now, my left foot still hurts terribly and I walk like a limping duck.

of threats and being happy...

Amongst the two being combined together just very recently in my oh so colorful introduction to the family life, I am amazed at myself that I came out strong and courageous (somewhat an understatement though but I chose to assess it that way).

If Miriam defensor-santiago eats threats during breakfast, I practically have them the whole day. I mean I have them during unholy hours of the day even midnight from the one and only colonel ed de castro. Who else? Tsk tsk tsk…

I’m not saying I am not disturbed by the text messages. In fact, there are times that and I mean most of the time that I have apprehension whether I will open my message or not because one way or another it would be another death threat from ed. whew… it really is difficult to be happy. To say the most, he makes it soooo difficult for me and my family to be happy.

All the death threats have been saved in my folders box though. Who knows he might just implement what he says. With that investigators would have a clue on the cause of my death (if ever there would be people interested enough to investigate the cause of my death). Sometimes, I am contemplating of saying my good bye piece to my love ones and acquaintances so that they will be prepared of my departure.

But then again, during the past five days that my wife and my daughter spent with me, I was changed entirely. I am extremely happy. Those were the five happiest days of my life. And so I have postulated that I am not permitting ed to cut my life and my happiness. My family is my life now. And I am happy to have my own family and nobody must destroy my family.